14 years ago
November 10, 2008
I'm NOT ready for teenagers!
Today I am grateful that Bart and Cindy are back from their trip! I am grateful that I don’t have a “real” teenage daughter that I have to “wrangle” with every day. Don’t get me wrong- we LOVE Rhegan like she is our own but I have learned this last week that I have a lot more learning to do before my boys are teenagers! What a hard job to parent a teenager! Please dont think Rhegan was bad this week and that is why I dont want teenagers, that is not the case. She is a good kid. It is just hard raising teens- I questioned everything I said yes to this last week. I know that the choices your kids make as teens can potentially have life changing consequenses and that is scary! You cant keep them in a "bubble" like you can with your little kids. How am I EVER going to trust my teenagers when I know what I did as a teenager??? I WAS NOT HORRIBLE, I know some of my Sisters might disagree but I really could have been a lot worse, right? Here are some of my questions about raising a teenager……. Do you always follow up – example, if your teenager says, can I go to blanks house (you don’t know blank) with a group of friends that you do know. You ask if the parents are going to be there. Then the teen says “yes”. Are you going to follow up and call “blanks” parents? Do you let your teenager drive with someone you don’t really know? Do you ever pretend like you are an FBI agent and follow your teenager to see where they really are going? Do you read their text messages, journals, notes, etc. etc.?? Do you take away their phone at night and before Church or other activities where they should not have a phone? What do you do if trust is broken? How do you know if trust is broken if you are not following up? Do you say yes more than you say no? Do you try and be a friend or a parent? Do you let your teenager sleepover? I think sleepovers are OUT OF THE QUESTION for my kids when they are teens. I KNOW that NOTHING good ever happens at a sleepover. Tell them that they can hang out till a certain time and that you will pick them up at that time. If they were gonna be up to no good then they wont even want to go hang out till that certain time, does that make sense? I know I don’t have teens yet but this is where I stand on the whole sleepover thing. I am pretty adamant about it so I don’t see it changing in the next several years but I have learned to never say never. Do you make your teenager go to church even if they don’t want to? I have more questions but I will stop now. I’m sure the answer to most of these questions is to pray about it and follow the spirit. I’ll be praying for you parents of teens!
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6 comments:
I think that the reason that God lets kids turn into teenagers is so that when they are finally old enough to leave the house, you're not too sad to see them go:)
I say, be nosy and follow up. Not all the time...but randomly. We just caught PITA1 on Sat. As for rebuilding trust.... idk. Obviously, we are still working on that one. It's especially sticky because you need the kid to trust you, too. Welcome to my life...
I to am very scared about when my girls will be teens. I have decided I am going to just enjoy now and worry about those years when they come.
I definitely believe you call the parents, to me it's not about being their friend at this point in there life, if you are, then thats a perk. My mom did a lot of calling and random drop ins and it was completely embarrassing but it saved me from being in places I shouldn't have been, but didn't have the wisdom to know that I was putting myself in harmful situations. I didn't understand it then but I know it showed how much she loved me now, if that makes sense. I am terrified of this part of my life though, I don't think we know the half of it. Constant FHE, prayer and scripture study!
Well I can truthfully say this teenage parenting thing is very scary and very hard and thankfully you kind of grow into all of this with them and not just one day they are teenagers.
We do a lot of just random checking up. We don't let him go anywhere that we don't know the kids and the parents of the kids and with that being said he never knows when we just might give the parents a call of the kids he's friend or for that matter run into them at church or something. We do have cell phone restrictions and I am pretty noisy. I am very worried about the whole driving thing I hope that I grow into that one soon!
Fortunately church and Y.M. has never been an issue it's just always been something you did kind of like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. And were praying every night that it never is an issue!
Personally I would just like to go to sleep from about 7th grade until they are leaving on their missions or better yet wake me up when their getting married-in the temple!
JoLynn
Thanks for your questions..I'm writing down all of this good advice! I was talking to my good friend Rachelle a while ago, and I said "It feels like you need a psychology degree, or some sort of therapy license, to understand your kids and help them be who they are supposed to be!" And Rachelle, being the awesome person that she is, looked right at me and said, "You know what Cathy, no you don't...You just need to be Christ-like. Do your best to be close to the Spirit, but remember, they have their agency, too." I thought that was so great. That doesn't mean you bury your head in the sand, but if we truly try to emulate the Savior's love, that's the best we can do for our kids. Of course, she is good at making everything look easy!
I only have a twelve year old but she turns 13 in a MONTH!!! It is scary and it is weird and there are so many different ways to paretn a teen. I think the best advice I could ever give is to ALWAYS follow your instinct, gut feelings, and promptings of the Spirit. Sometimes you may never know why you felt the way you did- but that can be agood thing- because by following it you may have avoided soemting that because you foolowed your feeligns it didn't happen so you don't know about it. And even if you are the only parent with a particular rule, if you feel it is what is best for your kid then that is okay and great and all you need to know and don't feel guilty or mean! Enough of my beginners advice!
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