BIG NEWS!

BE PREPARED- This is a LONG one and I dont blame you for not reading the whole thing!
Although I am not planning on posting this anytime soon I thought I would keep a record of my thoughts during this new journey:Yesterday Sat. Nov 22nd we found out we are expecting! Wow! What!!?? Weren't we done??!!?? I was getting more and more suspicious each day- I never really got my period (dont worry, I wont go into details), I was and am SOOOO tired, I was and am not feeling good especially in the mornings before I eat, my boobs started hurting AND my stomach has been so bloated (well, I thought it was bloated). SERIOUSLY, my belly button is already out. It is so crazy! I just bought my first ever pair of BUCKLE jeans (if you know Buckle, you know they are pretty pricey)! I guess I will be returning them! Anyway, I have had a nice run of emotions yesterday and today (it is Sunday the 23rd as I am typing this). I guess I will list all of what I am feeling- in no particular order.
1. Worried- how are we going to do this financially? I do not have maternity coverage! It costs A LOT of money to have a baby these days! Dan's job sucks right now- it could be worse though.
2. Space- Where am I going to put a 5th child! Again, it could be worse....it always can be, right? We only have three bedrooms! We will make it work.
3. GUILTY- I feel so guilty for not feeling a 100% excited about this. I know how hard it can be to get pregnant with a child. We've been there. My own sister has not been able to EVER get pregnant and here I am on my 11th pregnancy and I'm not 100% excited about it (not yet at least)- I feel guilty about that.
4. Worried (again)- Yes, I have been pregnant 11 times. You do that math- I am scared of the whole miscarriage thing.
5. EXCITED- I love our babies! I am always excited to have a baby. From the second I find out I am pregnant my mind already thinks ahead... What will he look like, what will we name him, what will his personality be like? Notice how I am expecting to have another BOY! Yes, I will be excited if this boy really turns out to be a girl but REALLY I am expecting it to be a boy and I am ok with that. To be honest I am scared to have a girl for A LOT of reasons.
6. Worried (yep, again)- I DO NOT want to have another emergency C-Section. I want all to go well with labor and delivery. I dont want this baby to have breathing problems when he is born and have to be in the hospital for a week like 3 of my other kids! If these things do happen I know everything will be fine, I just prefer them not to happen!
7. I am going to get fat again! Here I was trying to lose weight!
8. Priesthood- I am grateful for our sweet Bishop who gave me a blessing today at Tithing Settlement. Yes, I need to have more faith. I know that Heavenly Father knows me personally and that he is blessing me right now.
9. Stuff- I just got rid of ALL my clothes that were too big for me. I also got rid of ALL my maternity clothes and baby items!
10. SANITY- With every child you have I REALLY think you lose a little bit of sanity. I want my children to be raised by a Mother that is happy and all there- does that make sense? I do my best.
11. I know the LORD really wanted this to happen and that this is a huge blessing. I dont think it will be easy but I DO KNOW IT WILL BE WORTH IT!

Today is Monday November 24th.I am very happy today! My insurance company said I could add maternity coverage and that it would be effective Jan. 1st. That means everything after Jan. 1st will be covered! That is HUGE good news! I also returned my expensive pair of Buckle jeans today :( and went into the maternity store and bought a summer dress on clearance for $12.99. Oh, and I thought of a cute boy name already- CARTER (maybe). Now that the insurance thing is taken care of I am mainly just worried about miscarriage. I am hoping to get into the Dr. soon and get a quick ultrasound done to "see" if everything is ok.

Today is Tuesday the 25th. I HATE this part of pregnancy. I feel like I am going crazy! One second I feel like I might miscarry and then the next minute I feel like it will all be ok. I know there is nothing I can do and I should just relax and take one day at a time BUT that is way easier said than done. I have miscarried so many times and I know that horrible feeling of disappointment and I really dont want to feel that again. Each SECOND that goes by I get more and more excited. Dont get me wrong, I still am worried about A LOT of things but right now I am just excited to see my boys become big brothers again and to just relish in the joy of having a newborn again.

Today is Wed. December 3rd. The last few days I have been feeling more and more pregnant. But, on Sunday morning I had some spotting and really bad back pain. I wont go into detail but it REALLY freaked me out. I thought for sure that this pregnancy was not going to last. I called my Dr. office on Monday. They said the progesterone suppositories that I am taking could cause spotting. Still I am worried. They said I could come in this Friday for an Ultrasound (US) but there is a chance that it might be too early to see the heartbeat. I am also scheduled for an US next Thursday where there for sure should be a heartbeat. Now I just have to decide what to do. See, I have to pay for these US because my coverage starts Jan 1st. I also need to turn in my paperwork for maternity coverage. I dont want to turn it in if I am going to miscarry. Anyway, it is crazy how everyday I feel different- one day I feel like it will all be ok and then the next sucks! I HATE THIS PART!!! I have taken 9, yes NINE pregnancy tests. My nurse jokingly said that I need to buy stock in pregnancy tests! My reasoning for taking all these tests is this- If I am going to miscarry then the pregnant line will get fainter and fainter, does that make sense- probably not unless you have experienced multiple miscarriages. I was also told not to exercise, etc. because of the spotting. Now everyone is wondering where the heck I am - I am not at aerobics or basketball and I am running out of excuses! The stress SUCKS and the lack of exercise is not helping me feel any better! Oh, this was funny- this morning I was feeling really nauseous and Cooper came in my bed. I told him that I was not feeling good. He said, "Oh, hold on Mom, let me get my bowl for you". Two nights ago he was throwing up in "his bowl".

Today is Thursday Dec. 4th.

I went to bed last night at 10pm (a early record for me) and woke up around 10:30am! My nice Husband has been getting the older kids ready and taking them to school last week and this week. He even went grocery shopping this morning. I am feeling like the biggest loser Mother. Dan does not make me feel like this it is just me. Dan says I just need to rest- we both know that in a few weeks I wont be so tired.

Today is Tuesday Dec. 9th.Today I am 7 weeks. I am way looking forward to Thursday. I have been thinking that everything will be ok but I have thought that before and it wasn't ok. I am just looking forward to knowing. Also, Dan told the boys tonight that I am pregnant. They are WAY excited! I told them not to tell anyone until after my Doctor's appointment on Thursday (like that is going to happen)! Christian told me that he already told his primary teacher, Brittney Clark.

Today is the actual day that I am going to post this. It is Thursday December 11th. I saw the heartbeat and I feel MUCH better! We are due July 26th! Oh, and we are NOT planning on finding out what we are having this time around.